Pee Ass Ehs

In case you missed it first time round: Lessons we learnt from the Seventies.

Being Asian

One thing that irks me most is the fact that in the extremely rare event that i discover some new scientific thing, like an organelle or an element, i will not be able to name it after myself because i have a freaking chinese name. like, can you imagine if Camilo Golgi was called Camilo Tan? then instead of Golgi apparatus we would have the Tan Apparatus. or like someone with the surname Yong would have the element Yongium

Also, being asian means i will never be able to grow nice facial hair like a sexy stubble or ironic beard because asians with facial hair are fugly. sure we could allow our facial follicles to grow out and trim it with all the loving care and attention in the world, but NooOOooOOooOOoo... we will not get cool looking moustaches, but instead end up looking like confucius. I only know one asian guy with a glorious moustache so majestic that it immediately commands the attention of everyone in the vacinty. and his name is Jia Sheng.

When asians get facial hair, they're seen as indecent chaps.

Thank the lord for Gillette.

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Disclaimer: This post is pure filler and not meant to be taken seriously.

The Following takes place in an universe parallel to ours.

I was recruited into this cult, where i was susceptible to four days of brain washing. I believe the object of adoration was named Ehsee, (Pronounced Eh-See) and the cult's numbskulled acolytes were called "Act Sianz", or something along that line. I'm not really certain. I may have been brainwashed by aliens.

Anyway, the cult was further divided into 4 denominations, 3 of them were like, super ghey and were called Seres, Kyojin and Joaquim, which means "bunch of losers" in various languages. And then there was the denomination i was in, Indus, and the subgroup "Maharadja" which means "ULTRASUPERPOWERFULCLANWHICHKICKSASS" in every single Indian language, including Punjab and Hainan. I checked. The Dictionary.

The Punjab Dictonary. And no, i cannot show you the evidence. Get your own Punjab Dicitonary.

We were made by the favoured ones of the cult to perform rituals which involved the unification of energetic flailing motions. We were divided to pairs so as to enact this "Mass Dance"; I with this really horrible looking obese guy named "Sam" who couldn't dance to save his life. really nice girl with great hair and punches that could rend metal.

Also, there were these horrible experiments conducted upon us where we had to scream at the top of our lungs some incomprehensible shit. I screamed like soo hard that i cut my toe. Like, near the Metatarsi. And to top it all of, we didn't get a reward for our efforts :(

In other words, Orientation was awesome.

This post's for all you folks who enjoy subliminal jokes.

Bluddy Censorship >_>

@))*

Another successful orbit around the sun.
Time for a change.

I'm going to miss my House...

The television one and the one i live in.

I've got a deal with my brother to take the photo of the prettiest girl i can find tomorrow.

I'll do anything for a dollar. ( If i only had a heart)

I like typing in short sentences.

It means I don't really have to think.

Black looks good.

Looking good means no Dandruff.

This is getting out of hand.

Happy Birthday Jesus

Overall, not a bad haul this year: A 4kg Weight (Note the singular) by my brother who couldn't get another because he would have collapsed under the massive combined gravitional pull of Two weights. (Thanks Bro)
A red skinny tie from my sister. I have absolutely no idea she would get me a tie; It's not as if i've been subtly hinting that i enjoy asphyxiation or strangulation. Nevertheless, I appreciated the thought. I tried it on after we came back from Christmas Dinner. Pairing it with the black shirt i was wearing, i found myself to bear astonishingly great resemblance to this other famous Musician.



And This one.



And all these other guys.



On account of today being Christmas, I shall be nice and leave the bashing of androgynous emo bands to another day. However, I found the similarity amusing and like a weirdo, laughed out loud while air guitaring and emo singing "WE'LL CARRY ON", which is the only line i know from that MCR song.
Haiz. I'm damn weird, and i know it's true. You can ask my sister, she was there.

My Sis: "Yar, He's damn weird." (SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?)

We went to Jack's Place for Christmas Dinner, and it was rather awesome. The food was great and all. But you'll think that at such hefty prices, they could at least afford some proper crockery, and not the fLIMZY bowls they had set on the table.

Anyhow, they did contour greatly to the shape of my cranium. And for that reason, i'll let this incident pass. I also found myself unable to finish my potatoes because of emotional Bio Practicals: which have corrupted my attitude towards Potatoes. No longer will I be able to look upon a Potato and not think about Osmosis, Sugar, and Rising water levels.

~~~

Oh yeah, I have a new phone now. And it has a *Built IN CAMERA*!!! (Squeals) Now I can upload pizzies of 3.2 Megapixel goodness. Oh, and it's loads of Linkin Park songs tagging along with it, and also a Flash. Um, I've got a mirror here, so I'll just take a picture of myself taking a picture of myself taking a picture of myself taking a picture of myself...


Hoho, you Lians think you can finally see my face? How does Intense disparity of brightness feel now? IN YOUR FACE!!! 

~~~

25th Post on Christmas Day. Pure Coincidence.
Anyway as the day draws to an end, let me wish all who celebrate a very Merry Christmas. 
Do remember that today's about the celebration of Jesus being born, and not about presents and stuff. Oh, and that the Advent Calendar Is still open...

But still... Enjoy your Loot :)

My Life: Because you don't have one.

And now for a slighty more conventional Blog Post:

Today was Sunday, the day of the blazing ruthless Sun. It was really hot.

Nonetheless, I found myself being dragged along to go apartment hunting with the family. We saw, like eight places in four hours, which is no mean feat considering the fact that we had to incorporate lunch and take one unscheduled break at a hawker center because i developed a severe case of the hiccups. Also, walking around the neighbourhood under the incandescent sun is draining...

There was this really awesome playground at one of the apartments in Bishan :/
If I had a camera I could show you how awesome it was. Yeah, I played at a playground. I should really act my age or something blah.

I thought I saw my friend sitting next to this guy at this park. Turns out it wasnt my friend. The forementioned friend is female and the guy was Malay. But honestly, there isn't much point in mentioning that. Mentioning stuff like that only stirs up gossip and unwanted accusations of how racist and prejudiced i am.

I was supposed to get my new phone today but we failed to take into account how congested and swarming town is on days of the blazing ruthless sun. So, we changed plans and went to Anchorpoint to eat. It's suprising to see how Anchorpoint has transformed from once desolute mall to it's current splendour. I haven't been there for a while but i remember that it was never this bustling. I tried out the pizza in the food court and did lame coin tricks on my brother with a 50 cent coin while i waited for my pie.

I bought a shirt from the Factory Outlet store at cheap. Emblazoned on the front were the text:"Phoenix City Rockers - League of Hellraisers". Later on i would realise that it was a Juicy Couture Shirt. Yes, It was for males. I love my Juicy Juicy...

I think my father got lost halfway. So while the rest of us waited for him to turn up eventually, we watched the mall band set up and prepare for their gig. However, we had to miss the gig because my brother was experiencing the early symptoms of a bowel movement and for some reason is unable to defacate in an unfamiliar enviroment, cutting short the night.

When we reached home, my brother and I argued over who would carry the sack of rice up. It is both our uttermost dream to be a Vietnamese Rice Farmer.



There you have it, an embarassingly accurate potrayal of my uneventful boring day. Yesterday was so much better. I watched Asian Idol and then changed channel midway because it was so damn boring watching all the idols being Asian. So i watched this Chinese Kung Fu show which casted a young Jet Li in it. It must have been the grandfather of all Martial Arts Movies cause it was so bloody kickass. Oh, It's called the Tai Chi Master. Man, what a cool name for a cool movie.

...
Mah Block suck deek :)

I like the Feeling of being Read.

I was feeling kind of bored and down today, and so to cheer myself up, i decided to visit random ah lian blogs so that i could feel superior and uppity. Its really great therapy if you're feeling melanchoic. As (mis)quoth by Frank Tyger: "To laugh [at] others is one of life's greatest pleasure." How did i find these blogs? Simple.


I love Google Blog Search

So anyway, I was feeling all smug and contented with life till i scrolled all the way down of this particular lian's page. A Statmeter, with a reading of 15652. That, combined with the multiple comments made and tagboard activity, implys that said blog is more popular than mine.

Hw eesh eet pOsSiBlE dat sum1 hu types lyk thys gets m00r readership than my SuperUltraMagnificant and Fantabulistic Blog, which i garnish with impeccable english which is pleasant to the retinas. It doesn't make sense.

Oh, and by the way, seriously what is up with some of the stuff Ah Lians write on their blogtitles? They're either really creepy... (Like Crazy stalker Creepy)

Hello Pretty :D
DarLiN, ii wiLL wAit FerR eUu...
her_obsession


Or they're really really... Stupid.

#DeAD Dollie <3> 

boboiscrazy <-- By Bobo. Gabe: Thank you Bobo for forewarning everyone about your mental health. 

But before we get sidetracked any further, i would like to return to initial point. I would like to appeal to readers of this blog to reciprocate their own views and not lurk about so by posting comments. (You can do such by clicking the comment link at the bottom of each post.) Also, please try to get friends to read this blog as after all, this is meant to be a public educational site :)
And as a bonus incentive, If I notice a significant increase of viewership, I will shave half an armpit and post a picture on this blog.

Oh wait, that seems more like a deterrant. Argh, anyway I still have no Armpit hair LOL.

Erm, anyway, My good friend Borat from Kazakhstan has released his newest book which is available for free reads at Borders. Go there and read it if you're a cheap scumbag like me. Very Nice.

Thanks for reading :(